Faith loves God.

"Faith loves God more than life. Faith loves God more than family. Faith loves God more than job or retirement plans or ministry or writing books or building the dream house or making the first million. Faith says, "Whether God handles me tenderly or gives me over to torture, I love him. He is my reward (Hebrews 11:6), the builder of the city I long for (11:10), the treasure beyond the riches of Egypt (11:26), and the possession that surpasses all others and abides for ever (10:34)."' -John Piper

I catch myself trying to steer my faith for a personal motive. To scheme with myself, "if I am faithful, and can love God more than ____, then I'll GET ____ because I'll prove that I love God more and that ____ doesn't matter to me as much!" And I get all excited about this plan to get what I want! MOST times, the things in themselves are not "bad"...but because I desire them more than Christ, they become a point of error for me. Sometimes I try to let go of the selfish things I want while still keeping a teensy weensy hold on them (which is altogether motivated by selfishness and therefore...pointless). But the funny thing, is when I honestly, truly have my heart consumed with Christ...when he enables me to hold an accurate perspective of life and enables me to desire what I NEED...whatever it was I was thinking of or wishing for...whatever I was thinking would make me happy...I don't even care about. That craving and tearing feeling inside of not having what I want ...subsides.

Sometimes I get frustrated and I think, "why, if I HAVE Christ, if I know him, and am a child of God...why do I feel so empty sometimes? Why isn't he being enough for me? I KNOW he is the only thing that can satisfy me...so whyyyyyy am I so discontented? Why am I aching for other things? What the HECK!" ...just in that small rant I said or implied "I" over ten times and referred to God about five. That seems significantly unbalanced and in COMPLETELY the wrong direction. I tend to be focused on myself...if I look away from ME and look to who God is and what is true about him... if I stop trying to take God and FIT him into where I think I need him and open my heart to him and let him rush over me each day filling me where He sees fit...I think that would be good :)